The Diagnose Machine

The Diagnose Machine

Bob complained to his friend "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor." His friend offered, "Don't do that!!! There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.00."

Bob figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noises and the various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:

You have tennis elbow

Soak your arm in warm water.

Avoid heavy labor

It will be better in two weeks.

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noise and

printed out the following analysis:

Your tap water is too hard

Get a water softener.

Your dog has worms

Give him vitamins.

Your daughter's on drugs,

Put her in rehab.

Your wife's pregnant

It ain't yours---get a lawyer.

And if you don't stop jerking off,

Your tennis elbow will never get better.